Life of (f)Utility: Hacking the Human Race

blogrdoc cool tool #1: Book “Unconditional Parenting”

This book was on display at the Oregon Museum of Science Institute (OMSI). While the kids played with the blocks, I snuck away momentarily and scanned this book. I can tell you that just by reading a few chapters from this book, I dramatically changed my behavior with my kids and am seeing the benefits.

In a nutshell, the author deconstructs all ‘generally accepted parenting practices’ like time-outs and constant praise and explains why these techniques, if not tempered with other practices, will be detrimental in the long run. After discussing at length why time-outs and the like can be bad, he then gives 12 exceedingly insightful tips for parenting. Some are obvious, but some are not. Here’s the one tip that really opened my eyes:

“Attribute the best possible motive that is consistent with the facts.”

For those who don’t have children, the reason why this is so powerful is that (especially when children are younger), they often can’t explain why they do things. When I read this tip, I realized how often I jump to the conclusion that they are just ‘being bad’ which is totally nonsensical.

To all parents: seriously do yourself (and your kids) a favor and check this book out.

Oh… and when all else fails, don’t forget the Jedi Mind Trick. :)

As a brief update, I’ve been using Jedi Mind Trick on my son who’s nearly 4 and it works so well that I’m actually having to consciously keep myself from doing it all the time. This book made me realize that over time, if I keep doing this, bad things could happen. He’s really good at turning off lights and closing doors for me, though.

*** Update: Per request***

Here’s a couple more killer tips from the book

* Avoid rigidity
As parents, we’ve heard the advice ‘Be Consistent’ and we foolishly focus on something trivial to be consistent about. An example that Kohn gives is a parent going ballistic when their child throws something and there’s noone around that could have gotten hurt. Better to sternly explain why it’s not a good idea to do that and realize that kids will experiment sometimes. Unconditional Parenting shows how really the only thing to be consistent about is the value you place on your relationship with your kids.

*Say less, ask more
As a scientist, I wholeheartedly agree with this advice. This is like the ‘give a man a fish…’ advice. Teaching kids to make a habit out of questioning behavior at an early age makes a lot of sense. Hell, this is advice that I think we all could use. Questioning one’s own behavior is rare thing in this world, and it shouldn’t be. It needs to be part of human race 2.0.
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Hey!?!?! what a great lead in to my new blog title: “Hacking the Human Race” What better way to do it than as a parent! For more info about my ‘HTHR’ shpeel, check out the [ABOUT] page. I’m #2 on google search for ‘Hacking the Human Race’ Whohoo!

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